Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
