I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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