Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
