I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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