Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
