Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
