Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
