Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
