1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
