margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You need Xanax blowdarts
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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