He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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