Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
