During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize