Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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