where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
