fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
