I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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