yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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