He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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