so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
