Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you will always have a special place in my vag
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
