In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize