I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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