Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
