That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
