I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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