Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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