Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
