I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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