You really coming over, don't trick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
