No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
