You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
