i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
