I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
