my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
