You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
