Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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