I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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