Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
