God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so much tequila, so little girl.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
