the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
