hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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