I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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