im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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