I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
