my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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