My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
