if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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