God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My life is pants optional.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
