Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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