We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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