My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize