Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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