I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
