Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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