i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
