i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
