You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
