The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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