Sry I called you an 8
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
