i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
