So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
