i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
