You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize