well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Welp...herpes.
I've blown a few things in my day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
