Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
