just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
