I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
