Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
