It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
