I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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