He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
