Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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