I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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