Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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