I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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