it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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