Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
