i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
