every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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