actually, I'm a sock model
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
