Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
