No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize