Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
