what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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