Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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