i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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