she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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